Crystalline Anger: Embodied Care

Embodied Care, Crystalline Emotion

I was laying awake in bed.

Going through the biggest betrayal of my life, I was feeling angry that my ex is oblivious to the fact that my move out date is a whole month after he thinks it is. Even though I told him twice. In black and white. I wasn’t heard. Again.

I was angry that I had to do all the work.

This is one week after crystalline emotion was downloaded to me. I knew I would be in for a rollercoaster when this information came through. I knew I was assigned to discover the lived experience of crystalline emotion. And there I was. Right in the thick of it.

I’m sure my blood pressure was high. And there was no “trick” I hadn’t used to try and move beyond the racing thoughts. After tossing and turning, I finally asked the question: what is the crystalline version of anger?

All of the sudden, I considered that I didn’t have to justify anything, prevent anything or convince him of anything.

The bottom line is: I had done my best to find a place that had a sooner move in date. I had visited over a dozen apartments. I had done calculations. I did everything I could.

And now, I needed to simply state what I needed: for him to register my move out date and to give me some breathing room.

In that moment, when I cared for myself by stating my needs (that were fair based on the events that transpired), my anger was transmuted. I turned the energy of the anger into courage to care for myself. I sent that quick email (I was not emotional or mean in any way, just straightforward) and turned my thoughts to how I could care for myself.

And I fell asleep. I knew there would be an angry response in the morning. And there was nothing I needed to do except care for myself by creating the space I needed.

This is what Crystalline Emotion does.

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