I had been without a home for two weeks.
As a Cancer Rising and Cancer Sun, home is a very big deal. Home is my sanctuary. It is my cocoon; my safe and clear space, especially when the rest of life feels overwhelming.
I had searched high and low (multiple times) for two months in person and online after a deal breaking situation in my relationship. In that time, I found one place, a place that was a new construction and needed a Temporary Certificate of Occupancy from the city to allow those who have put deposits down and signed leases to move in.
My move in date was pushed back three times. The third time, I made the decision to move my belongings into storage and move to an Extended Stay hotel/motel place with my two dogs.
I didn’t know if the date would be pushed back again and I was done tangling with my ex. I felt that caring for myself would be moving out and navigating the rest of this without any of his involvement.
After moving out, the date I could move into my new place was pushed back indefinitely. They could not give me any definite date. So, I found myself in a place I have never found myself: without a home address.
When circumstances are driven into these unusual places, I know it is no mistake. Obviously, something needed to unlock and download. And, I was being forced into a corner to do it.
For two weeks, along with the above, I experienced waves of frustration specifically related to my living situation. Of course. What would usually come on the heels of the frustration was a pervasive line of thinking about how I would never be in this position if it weren’t for my ex.
Right there. You can see this is very dualistic. I mean, obviously, the feelings are legitimate. It’s true that I would not have consciously decided to do this. But you can see the victim-perpetrator 3D game right away.
I had a sneaking suspicion that I was maybe enjoying how “terrible” this story was because the reaction from other people is so validating. Yes, I’m good and he’s bad. Again. Very dualistic. That is not the nature of crystalline emotion or 5D living.
I woke up one morning and allowed in this desire to live in a new apartment building regardless of the circumstances that brought me there. It felt much more luxurious than what I would allow myself under normal circumstances.
In an instant (after finally getting some good sleep), my frustration was transmuted into Divinely Aligned Desire or Crystalline Frustration. There is a gift being given that we are not receiving.
Can you surrender to what it is that you really want that is being presented to you behind a veil of frustration?